Thirteen Already?

It was a normal Wednesday night and we went to bed. I was 34 weeks pregnant with our third child. I woke much earlier than normal not feeling well. I got out of bed around 5:45am. I was not sure what exactly was wrong but I soon realized something was very wrong. Jeremy was not feeling the greatest as his stomach was a little upset. I did not say anything. Part way through my morning I called my sister. I did not call my mom because I think I knew what she would say and do! 

I realized that my water had broken, not sudden but definitely broke. I was not due for six more weeks. It could not be so!

I called my OB's office and then Jeremy. We had an appointment that afternoon. We went to the appointment then we were rushed over to the hospital for a room. The testing confirmed I was not going to stay at our local hospital to deliver this baby. Our baby girl's lungs were no where near ready to breathe outside of the safety of my womb.  It was also confirmed that her umbilical cord was around her neck twice (our doctor saw that on the ultrasound). My wonderful neighbor/friend did not even hesitate to keep my older boys until we could get things figured out. They loved Miss Bill Bill so that choice was easy.

My parents did exactly what we asked them not to do. They began their trip here to WV. However, I had to tell them (as they were halfway here) that we were being transferred to WVU Ruby Memorial Hospital in Morgantown, WV. 

I arrived at WVU around 10pm June 27th...............16 long hours after labor had begun. I was miserable. Jeremy had driven so fast and my parents followed. It was a dark, dreary, rainy night. Jeremy and my parents sat around my bed.

The head of pediatrics came into our room and give us a very grim outlook for our baby girl. She was struggling. 

I do remember that Jeremy's parents arrived sometime on the 28th. The hours were long and all ran together. We all sat and waited for progress. Many doctors came and left my room. Then I was taken to the delivery room.  It was explained that they needed to be sure they could take our baby immediately to the NICU.

At 9:33pm, June 28, 2002 we welcomed a beautiful baby girl into our lives. She was whisked away from us as quickly as possible. She was struggling. She was gray.

Rebecca was resuscitated twice. It was quickly decided she needed intubation. I was finally allowed to see my baby girl at 3am. Oh my! She was beautiful! I was heartbroken to see her first tear. She was on the vent and unable to verbalize anything. That tear ran down her face and pooled into her ear. I remember crying as I saw that.

Those first few days were difficult. She struggled with her blood pressure, bilirubin, and her lungs. She was so bruised from the trauma of birth. Her face was black and blue. Her eyes were blood-filled.

Everyone was amazed how quickly she improved. She was removed from the vent after only 3 days. Her lungs were still not mature but she was improving. I finally was able to hold my baby.

She came home on July 5th. Just one week later! God performed an absolute miracle in our baby girl. Rebecca Rose was our sweet baby girl.

I am still amazed as I watch this daughter of ours. There could not be a more blessed family than ours. Rebecca has blossomed into a radiant young lady.

Beautiful for a wedding!

She passed me in height a year ago and now stands at 5' 4" tall. She is the most selfless girl I know. She gives and gives anything to anyone. Material things mean nothing to her (which I admit can be frustrating to a mom who spent a lot of money on a new necklace that she willingly gave away). 

Just a month or so ago at church, Rebecca sat with a Chinese college student who was leaving to  go back to China the next day. We had met her just two days before. The family that Rebecca was sitting with are friends of ours and as soon as church was over they told me that they believe Rebecca is a missionary in the making. I guess Rebecca just sat beside this student and talked to her and then shared her Bible with her. I was almost moved to tears that this family saw that about our girl.

We have watched her grow up. We have watched her sacrifice so much over the past few years. Yet she only wants to give more. Rebecca takes all change in stride. I know I would not have been so understanding as a teenager having to give up my bedroom to a stranger then share a bedroom with a rambunctious toddler nine years younger. Yet, she never complains and is usually the first one to offer help.

Always willing to be a great sister.

Silly!

I see so much of myself in her. Not necessarily the good things. She is stubborn and bossy. I remember as a little girl she would say, "Mommy, where are our boys?" She really thought she was in charge of them. The funny thing is........mostly they listened to her instructions!

Rebecca is a unique combination of Jeremy and me. She loves to help me clean and cook. She loves to wear a pretty dress/outfit and have her hair fixed. Yet she knows all about The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars,  and is not afraid to play with bugs of all kind!

She knows her Nerf guns and is well versed in handling any weapons.

She is one tough girl!

She has a great sense of humor!

Since she shares a bedroom with Mariah, quite often we will hear stories about them in the morning. Mariah sometimes crawls in bed with Becca. Since it is early, Becca will not allow her to come over to our bedroom and instead she snuggles with her until they both fall back to sleep. Becca protects her siblings. She always has.

Jeremy and I realize that once a boy comes around and begins to realize her great qualities, she will be snatched up. But it will be on her terms! 

These are the reasons we chose to take this girl to China with us to meet Selah.

It was the perfect match! Becca is the best sister and friend.

We are such a blessed family to have this sweet teenager of ours. She is one very special girl whom we love more than we ever thought possible! 

Happy birthday Rebecca Rose! You are loved and cherished!!!!

Better Late than Never

This photo was taken just two weeks ago as we had 12 inches of snow in 24 hours. It sure was a beautiful snowfall!

I am struggling how to blog after I have been silent for almost three months. I had a friend who wrote to me recently and really encouraged me to blog again. I decided to try again. 

Adopting a teenager encompasses more than just teenage hormones. There is so much trauma buried deep in her own mind that we often compare those memories which contain many holes, like Swiss cheese, random. But the result of her loss and trauma is no doubt what we are dealing with. Her reaction to many things is not typical for a teen raised in a healthy environment. For instance, when I ask her a question as simple as, "Did you sleep well?" She sees that question as a threat and refuses to answer. Her brain has made a different way than normal to handle perceived stress/danger. I feel the Lord is gently instructing me as I make many fumbling attempts to be a mom to a teenager with so much trauma in her history. 

To be completely transparent I'm afraid I would violate our daughter's privacy. But I struggle because when I started this blog I promised myself I would not paint a beautiful picture of a pretend life. I decided it was easier to not write at all. I was struggling to find my own way on this journey.

We are emotionally exhausted. While we occasionally see progress in baby steps, we also see the giant leaps back. We definitely had a honeymoon period.  We are now in the trenches and it feels like a battle zone. 

It is next to impossible to connect with someone who sits silent. This is probably my biggest battle. We love Karyn Purvis and her teachings on raising children from a traumatic background. Karyn teaches "Connective Parenting".  Yet this is nearly impossible with someone who is silent. The challenge is very real. 

We do have some very sweet and normal moments. Selah just has so much hurt in her heart that the healing is slow and painful. That pain affects us all.

I choose, for now, to write about the things that I have allowed to get lost these past few months. 

We have a truly amazing toddler who loves us so deeply that we find it hard to not laugh at her antics! Momo is such a lovable child. She tells me no less than a hundred times a day that I am her favorite mom! She is famous for saying things like, "Mom, you know what? I love you!"

She loves to help me in the kitchen or anywhere. We recently made No-Bake cookies.

She easily convinced daddy to model a big flower headband.

......and for Kyle to play pirates with her.

She believes she is helping me with the kids school work. Messes will one day be missed, I'm sure.

All of the kids have enjoyed the snow this winter. So much snow has fallen that our local schools have cancelled so many days that I lost track. Mariah has had so many speech therapy sessions lost due to school cancellations. Looks like we will likely attend summer speech again this year. 

 Our kids enjoy shoveling snow. Weird, I know!

Selah tried shoveling but was not impressed.

Rebecca is growing up too fast.

Ben just has way too much fun.

And this was too cute not to include.

Spring brings new life. That is my prayer for the heart of our girl who has endured more than any child ever should be allowed. Lord, soften her heart so that she can finally accept you into her life and give her the sweet peace that she longs to experience.

One Year

One year ago today we met our precious Selah for the very first time. The Civil Affairs office was vacant except for our family and a girl behind the curtain......our daughter.

She was scared.

She was not happy.

She was completely unprepared. 

She was silent.

But we were thrilled to meet her and have her join our family and become just like everyone else. 

On Jeremy's 41st birthday we met our precious daughter for the first time. The experience could not have been any different than when we met Mariah.  At least Selah was not screaming and crying. But I believe on the inside she came kicking and screaming. 

Unfortunately when we met her she only had the clothes on her back and a toddler size backpack which we knew nothing of its contents. She wore a pair of knit pants and a pajama top that in English read "Sweet Dreams". She had on two jackets (which were purchased the day before). Her boots were several sizes too small.

We were told she knew very little English. 

You can imagine our surprise when we were in our hotel room that evening getting ready to leave for dinner she walked past Jeremy and simply stated, "I have to go to the bathroom first." 

Selah's choice for supper that night was Pizza Hut. She had never had pizza before so Becca had to show her how to eat it. She liked it!

As we sat in our hotel room that night we heard a ringing sound. We all stared at each other. Then Selah jumped up and ran into our bedroom where he coat was. She pulled a phone out of her jacket pocket and answered. We were a bit shocked. 

We soon realized that she knew much more than anyone thought. We have since spoken to her social worker in China who asked Selah's school for her grades. We know that she was ranked #1 in her sixth grade class of 800.

This year has been one of challenges.  We definitely had a honeymoon period. At six months home the real challenges began and continue.

Raising an older child from a traumatic background takes parenting to a completely different place. It is unlike any other parenting. Yes she is a teenager but her history is something that is a part of who she is. The challenges she presents are entirely different than our other two teens. Her past is very jaded.

As we struggle through daily life we still can thank God for his guidance to bring Selah home. We know that God is in complete control. He led us to her.  But this is by far the most difficult thing we have ever done.

Please pray for our sweet Selah. She is a product of an institutionalized life. She has had no one take a vested interest in her life. An orphanage has nannies with shift changes. No one constant was there to love her and help her along. Now Jeremy and I are attempting to give her something she does not believe she wants and definitely believes she does not need.....a family who loves her unconditionally.

We only want for her to have exactly what our other children experience.........true happiness and love. That can only come from God. She is valued and priceless. Part of our job is to prove that to her.  Quite honestly, that seems impossible to us at this point.

For us this is a happy day. One that we celebrate. For kids who are adopted, these "anniversaries" are very difficult. She has been silent this week. She struggles. It is hard to know how to balance the events and celebration. It is a celebration. We just need to find a way to help her understand that as well.

I'll end this with a Christmas photo. We took this photo the Sunday before Christmas. I'm so glad we did because we ended up with a few sick kids the entire week.

God often is so good to me and brings these verses to mind each time I doubt.

John 14:18
I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.

Fourteenth Birthday............Again!

I know it is a strange title but I will explain. When we were in China last December we were a little surprised to see that Selah's birth date was different on her personal social media account than what we had been told. Although she denied it was anything but the "official" date, we had our very strong suspicions that her QQ account was more accurate. 

After months of the secret we have confirmation that her actual birth date is November 24, 2000. Even though we had a very small poor excuse for a birthday celebration while in China, we had another 14th birthday one week ago.

At first Selah was not very happy that we discovered her secret. We waited a few months before pursuing the subject. Jeremy hunted and searched down some people from her first orphanage. Two months ago he finally found and  contacted one of the nannies from Selah's first orphanage. She did not speak English but her daughter was visiting at the time and she was happy to share Selah's story with us. Selah asked us what China would say and was definitely unhappy about a party. We clearly understand she was aware of her actual birthday but was told not to say anything to anyone. She was scared.

Selah's history is not what her paperwork states. In fact, Jeremy and I have both shed tears over what we learned. But it was confirmed to us by from three people that her birthday was definitely not January 4, 2000. Selah was brought to the orphanage the day she was born. There is no doubt that her birthday is November 24th.

We invited several friends of ours and our other kids from church (all girls).  Selah was struggling with the entire idea of a party for her. However we pressed on. We only had three girls not able to make it! We had 14 kids here. Pizza, chips, pop, cake, and ice cream were on the menu. Then a movie. She had so much fun at her very first birthday celebration! 

Her cake made by a friend, Hannah, in youth group.

First time to blow out candles.

It took three tries.

Let's eat!

Typically when given a gift in China you never open it in front of the giver. This was a tough one for her.

Trying to hold in the laugh.

More joy!

Something was funny.

Movie time with all of the kids.

Our birthday celebration on Monday. New clothes.

She does love Olaf. So why not?

She needed a new dressy coat. I think she liked it!

Of course, Mariah had to try too.

The day of her party was terrific. It has been difficult ever since. I am thankful that she could at least let go of some of the pain and hurt she has experienced and allow herself to have fun if only for a few hours.

She had her very first birthday cake!

She opened her very first birthday presents!

She smiled and had so much fun!

We pray that she will allow us to share in her life. We also pray that she can accept the unconditional love that our family is pouring into her each and every day. 

Selah, if you only had any idea how much we desperately love you.......

We pray that God will give you the peace in your heart that He desires. We see glimpses of the woman God has designed you to be. We pray that you will allow God to work a miracle in your life. That is our prayer.

As we watch and experience the daily struggles here at home we are reminded often of Bible verses. This verse is what we also pray for our new daughter. Our hearts break as we watch her struggle. We would appreciate your prayers for our family. 


Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. 

Giving Thanks

I have read several blogs recently that have hit home for us. Of course most of them involved adoption. This is where God has burdened our hearts. So while we find other causes admirable we cannot ignore the burden we have for orphans. 

I had a virtual friend (a friend of a friend and.....well you get the idea) message me and ask if I would like to join her for dinner with two other "China moms". I was thrilled with the opportunity to swap stories and just eat a meal that I didn't prepare. The timing could not have been better. 

The four of us sat and talked for hours. I have been the only one to travel to China yet so it was neat to hear their excitement as they were talking about travel. Between the four of us we have 26 children! It was very much what I needed. All four of us Christian women seeking support from each other.

Jeremy and I felt it was very important to take all of the kids to vote. Selah was trying to wrap her mind around our form of government and our democratic process. We wanted to show her that it is a distinct privilege to vote for our country's leaders. All four of my grandparents served during WWII. My dad served stateside in the Army during Vietnam. Jeremy's dad served in the Air Force on a secret base in Thailand. He is one of the many men who were exposed to Agent Orange and suffers the lasting effects of that. Men died for us to have this right to vote. We do not take that lightly.

We waited until Jeremy got home from work and loaded everyone in the car and took them to the polls. Little did we know that they would not allow Kyle to go back with us since he is over 14. We also were not allowed to take any photos. Let's just say I was not about to delete this photo after I was scolded. Oops!

Jeremy's radio station had a "share-a-thon" this past week. I took the kids in one day to see Jeremy. He had been working very long hours and we all missed him. 

Anyone who knows Jeremy will verify his long held desire to never be in front of an audience. However, radio was a different story. He can speak easily on the radio as there is no one watching him. Along comes the television station. Well that problem was solved by him directing and editing.......still behind the camera out of sight! This, however, he never saw coming. Yikes!

Our church live streams all services via the internet, Roku, and our cable channel. I turned on the television the other morning and saw this.....

Poor guy! He did fine though! 

As I took the kids in to see him they were put on television and radio.

Can you tell Mariah adores her daddy?

Then Jeremy put Selah "on air". Maybe that was not the best decision. He asked her to read the telephone number to the listeners. She has a very strong accent! Let's just say it was funny but even I didn't understand what she said.

Photos like the one above help me realize our progress. But we still have so far to go. 

As we are approaching the holidays I am made painfully aware of all that Selah has missed. As joyous as these couple of months should be, it actually brings much hurt to the forefront. She struggles with us talking about the holidays before she came.

This is the month that we will be celebrating Selah's real birthday. I know she has mixed feelings. She always made a point of keeping her life in China a complete secret from us. Finding out her true age and birthdate was not her plan. But I do believe she will enjoy the celebration. Her first ever birthday!

Selah grew up without love, nurture, instruction and direction. Not one person took the time to invest in her life. It truly is a daily battle. The choices she is making are based on survival in an orphanage for many years. Those choices hurt others. Children from orphanages learn to become master manipulators who control everything they can at a very early age. We are fighting for her heart. There are days I believe we are so close to seeing her accept our love. Then other days we feel like complete failures. Yet I am assured that God is faithful. 

He has called us to her. What a privilege! But it is an assignment we cannot possibly do alone. I long for hugs. I long for a relationship. I long for communication. I long for her love. I long for her to have a personal relationship with Christ.

I have to remind myself that it is all in His timing. All of this helps me realize how much God loves me when I act ugly. Jeremy and I have finally accepted that this may be as good as it gets. We must remain constant. We must show her the love that she doesn't believe she needs or deserves. Yet we know God is still working. 


  






 

The Path to Love

I have not been great at keeping up with my blog. It is incredibly busy here as we homeschool five kids in four different grades and entertain a very busy toddler. We took the kids up to a local park for a few photos. Jeremy is learning some photo editing and we just needed some updated photos. As a general rule of thumb I need to learn that Ben cannot be left to his own as far as wardrobe is concerned. I never noticed he had shorts on. I am glad these are not the good photos! 

A peek at our day is nothing fantastic. I consider it a success if I feed all six kids three meals a day. Every night is around the dinner table as a family with a home-cooked meal. 

I am amazed that Mariah can completely destroy a room in 2 minutes or less. 

This is how my dining room looks at any given time.

And my living room..........

Then along with the homeschooling we have normal household chores. The kids wash their own clothes but I do fold them, usually after everyone goes to bed.

This week I had a mountain of ironing as well as changing out the summer clothes for the fall/winter things. 

As I was in the kitchen fixing dinner I smiled as I watched Jeremy at the grill and our sweet Ben just spending time together.

I have noticed Ben spending more time with Daddy. It really is sweet. The two of them were chatting away and laughing. I'm sure I don't even want to know what was being discussed! 

Each Sunday Ben gets up at 6am and leaves with Jeremy to go to church. He was upset a few weeks ago when he was sick and had to stay home. 

On another note.......we need a bigger grill!

I don't think I have had as many tea parties in my entire life as I have had with Mariah! She loves them.......and so do I! Occasionally we get to include Jeremy.

I walked past Mariah's bedroom the other day and heard her playing. Then I peeked in to see.

In science we are learning about the Table of Elements. Then we moved on to solutions using a solvent and solute. Here was our experiment that produced Carbon Dioxide.

I have to admit that this is a beautiful sight! She is one very busy toddler and this nap time is imperative to schoolwork completion! Notice the thumb-sucking. I love it!

I felt the need to spend a little bit of one-on-one time with Rebecca. She has experienced so much change in the past 2 1/2 years. The dinner was her choice. She wanted Olive Garden. It was perfect since we had a $25 gift card! If you notice.......she is taller than me.

It had been a while since Jeremy and I had our picture taken. We asked Ben to take a photo and this was the result. Twice!

Rebecca to the rescue!

I am so thankful for this amazing man I married! This past year has been one of many changes and challenges for our family. We have probably tripled the gray hairs we each have. 

We have had many difficult days here as life in America is proving to be very difficult for Selah. We have had to make many adjustments. And I am so glad that Jeremy and I fully trust each other. He is the "relief pitcher" when he comes home from work. 

Several things have come to light over the past few weeks. Jeremy has maintained contact with some of Selah's friends in China. Finally, we are getting some answers to questions we had in China. 

Selah's nanny from her first orphanage confirmed what we suspected all along. Selah's birthday is not January 4, 2000. Her nanny remembers exactly when Selah was born and was very clear to us it was November 24, 2000. Our 14 year old is really only 13. It is sad that she is afraid now that the truth is out. She asked us, "What will happen when China finds out?" We tried to convince her that nothing will happen and she is safe but she simply does not believe us. 

We believe that the orphanage merely wanted her to find a family sooner. We do not know why the January date was chosen but the November date makes much more sense. It puts her in the correct grade in school and her bone age x-rays now match her chronological age. We are not upset at all. I am thankful that God allowed this to happen and she is able to be with our family sooner than if her birth date was in November. 

Jeremy messaged with one of Selah's nanny's and she gladly told Jeremy details about Selah's past and it really is heartbreaking. She has been through terrible loss and grief in her few years. We pray that one day she can move forward and accept that she is here and we unconditionally love her. 

We have seen a few moments where she has allowed herself to be vulnerable. Even tonight as she was going to bed she asked Jeremy if he saw her new clothes. I took her shopping Saturday evening for a few things and she was so excited to wear them for church. It was cute to see her excitement over a new sweater and skirt. Then she loves for Jeremy to tuck her in bed.

She is beginning a very slow process of healing. 

It is hard and painful.

I am so thankful at God's goodness to give me a toddler that tells me countless times a day, "You're my favorite mommy!" and, "You're the best mommy ever!" Because without that I would seriously doubt my ability to be a good mommy to my two girls who right now need me the most. 

My greatest concern is that Selah will never accept Christ as her Savior. Then I fear that she may never truly accept us as her family. This is hard work and we are diligent 24 hours a day. We shower her with love and the discipline of a family. We bathe her in prayer daily. 

This is hands down the toughest thing we have ever done. But we have no doubt that we were called to this journey. We will pursue her for as long as it takes because we desperately love her. Everyone else in life has failed her so we have a lot to prove. But God is faithful, always.


Proverbs 18:10
The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.