A Mama's perspective, ten years later.

To say I am a little busy is an understatement. Since returning from China I have taken the kids to 13 doctors appointments. I also had an appointment for myself. Some of those appointments were combined and 6 of those were just allergy shots for Kyle. Regardless, it took time to drive to the doctor's office, sometimes with all five kids. I'll spare you pics of my real house and you can just assume that it looks pretty close to this.....

Or this.........

Or even this....

Do you see who the culprit is in every single picture?

Then I came in the room and saw this one......

Jeremy says that "mom" had enough! I assure you that I have never one time ever crawled onto the roof of our house to escape. Not that I haven't felt like it before.

Finally we are on the mend. I ended up taking Kyle to the doctors Monday for his allergy shots and called and asked if I could bring Becca to be looked at as well. Poor Becca has been so stuffed up for almost three weeks and a few days she complained of her ears hurting. As suspected, she has a sinus infection. The staff at the doctor's office joke about naming one of the exam rooms "The Kaminski Room". Monday we have our standing allergy shot appointment. I will be so glad when I can do those from home! 

Mariah is still taking an antibiotic for the parasite. She will finish that up today. We are told that Flagyl causes a metallic taste in your mouth. This could explain why Mariah's appetite has drastically changed. She is not eating nearly as much as before. We are not worried. This may be her normal appetite as the parasite is likely gone but we will not know for sure until the end of August. I'll be happy when I am not dispensing medication all day long.

I thought I'd take some time to share with you a few things as I have reflected over the years of being a mama (my kids have always called me that instead of mommy and I don't really know why). Being a parent has by far been the most rewarding job I have ever had the privilege of partaking. It has also been the most challenging. I have not shared this with very many people but I feel that if I share our heartaches and trials, it may help another parent.

Our four oldest kids were born very close together. Kyle was not even five yet when Ben was born. So we had four children in 4 years and 10 months. Can you imagine how busy we were? Our youngest three (now four) are special needs kiddos....now I'll explain.

When Micah was only 16 months old I was 34 weeks pregnant with Rebecca.  My water broke. After testing amniotic fluid for hormone levels, the doctors here decided her lungs were severely underdeveloped. So I was packed into a lovely ambulance and driven 2 hours to Ruby Memorial Hospital.

I labored for 37 hours with our precious baby girl. When she was born, she was whisked away from us to the NICU and was revived three times. Her lungs were so immature that within an hour of her birth she was put on a ventilator. We watched that sweet baby struggle for every single breath. Her face was bruised from the team trying to quickly provide her an airway. It was one of the scariest times of our lives.

In the meantime, my two older boys were being watched by our sweet neighbor. Kyle was 3 1/2 and Micah was only 16 months old. They knew our neighbor very well and loved her but the time away was very difficult. After 2 days in the hospital with me my parents drove back to Parkersburg and picked up my sweet boys and took them to PA. From there they were passed between the two sets of grandparents.

Once we finally got our baby girl home, my parents brought our boys back. I had missed them terribly. Can you imagine how I felt when my sweet 16 month old baby completely rejected me? I have pieced together this puzzle and realize that all along the Lord was preparing us (or me) for this rejection that I would face with our second daughter. Micah rejected me for months. I was only good enough to change his diaper and prepare his meals. He was defiant with me. He kicked when I tried to change his diapers. I felt like he hated me. Once Daddy walked through the door, I no longer existed in his eyes. 

It was a very long struggle. He wanted nothing to do with me. Again.....does this sound familiar? I had no idea that God was preparing me for this little one we now have........10 years later! 

I can honestly say that as I sit here typing this post, it was all worthwhile. My Micah is the sweetest 11 year old I know. He and I have such a special bond. Jeremy will tell you that I am the only person that Micah allows to snuggle him. Micah comes in from playing outside to find me and wrap his arms around me and tell me he loves me. That is my paycheck!

Micah has come a long way. He is so resilient! He struggles with Auditory Processing Disorder and Sensory Deficit Disorder. This has caused significant speech delays for him which also hinders his learning. He learns in such a unique way. He is a boy of few words. His visual memory is nothing shy of stellar. Homeschooling him has taught me that it is okay if kids do not learn from reading or studying the traditional ways. He also has a great sense of humor.

Micah has stretched our schedules to the limit as well. I have taken him to occupational therapy and speech therapy for many years. We have had a physical therapist in our home for him as well. We have taken him to Cincinnati Children's for a diagnosis that seemed impossible to get. We have a beautiful son who makes us smile....daily. I had no idea what God was doing all of those years ago. I love watching His plan unfold!

I write this to explain how beautiful God's plan is because we chose to obey. We chose to find our daughter in China. Micah's rejection of me is very similar to Mariah's. 

I have noticed a huge difference in Mariah in the eight short weeks we have had this sweet baby. She doesn't reject me. She gladly accepts my love, my kisses, and especially my food! There is still a long road yet to travel. She may always prefer Jeremy to me. She may not. Either way, I am thrilled to be the recipient of her many hugs and kisses received daily from this beauty! She does love us. She loves me and in that I rejoice! 

It is funny to hear Jeremy with her when he gets home from work. She is so excited to see him. He swoops her into his arms and immediately goes in to kiss her neck, something that I cannot stand! She definitely gives more love to him, but I still get a lot! I think Jeremy feels bad when she is loving on him as I hear him whisper in her ear, "Mariah, give Mommy kisses!" He is pretty sweet too. Sometimes I get those kisses, sometimes I don't. 

As a young mom at the age of 29 with four children under the age of 5, I was overwhelmed with life. I questioned why God felt I was a good enough mom for what Micah needed. I was tired of the appointments. I was lonely. I was tired of trying to find out what was going on with him. But I pursued. I was not giving up on our boy!

Micah is now 11 and there is absolutely no evidence of that rejection I faced when he was 16 months old. In fact, Micah does not really even like to hear those stories. He feels bad. He will likely always struggle to communicate. But I can read that boy like a book! Expressive language is the most difficult for him. But, I have a boy that loves me and cherishes me.

This is a comfort to me as I am walking a similar road with Mariah. I have perspective now that I would not have had if we didn't have a very similar struggle with Micah. I know it will get better. It already has! She has lost so much in her life. Just like Micah lost me for a while. Then when I finally came back into his life, I had this baby girl and that was not cool! 

Now I am so excited to see what Mariah will be like as she gets older. I have seen what a wonderful young man we have in Micah. I wonder what God has in store for our sweet girl. 


If you took the time to read this, I would encourage you to encourage another mom who may be struggling. I was lonely and discouraged. Now we are years past that trial and see the utter joy in every one of our five kids! God is good, even especially in those difficult times.

Here is my sweet boy and me.....(Rebecca was the photographer.)

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.                                                     Isaiah 40:31