I am struggling how to blog after I have been silent for almost three months. I had a friend who wrote to me recently and really encouraged me to blog again. I decided to try again.
Adopting a teenager encompasses more than just teenage hormones. There is so much trauma buried deep in her own mind that we often compare those memories which contain many holes, like Swiss cheese, random. But the result of her loss and trauma is no doubt what we are dealing with. Her reaction to many things is not typical for a teen raised in a healthy environment. For instance, when I ask her a question as simple as, "Did you sleep well?" She sees that question as a threat and refuses to answer. Her brain has made a different way than normal to handle perceived stress/danger. I feel the Lord is gently instructing me as I make many fumbling attempts to be a mom to a teenager with so much trauma in her history.
To be completely transparent I'm afraid I would violate our daughter's privacy. But I struggle because when I started this blog I promised myself I would not paint a beautiful picture of a pretend life. I decided it was easier to not write at all. I was struggling to find my own way on this journey.
We are emotionally exhausted. While we occasionally see progress in baby steps, we also see the giant leaps back. We definitely had a honeymoon period. We are now in the trenches and it feels like a battle zone.
It is next to impossible to connect with someone who sits silent. This is probably my biggest battle. We love Karyn Purvis and her teachings on raising children from a traumatic background. Karyn teaches "Connective Parenting". Yet this is nearly impossible with someone who is silent. The challenge is very real.
We do have some very sweet and normal moments. Selah just has so much hurt in her heart that the healing is slow and painful. That pain affects us all.
I choose, for now, to write about the things that I have allowed to get lost these past few months.
We have a truly amazing toddler who loves us so deeply that we find it hard to not laugh at her antics! Momo is such a lovable child. She tells me no less than a hundred times a day that I am her favorite mom! She is famous for saying things like, "Mom, you know what? I love you!"
She loves to help me in the kitchen or anywhere. We recently made No-Bake cookies.
She easily convinced daddy to model a big flower headband.
......and for Kyle to play pirates with her.
She believes she is helping me with the kids school work. Messes will one day be missed, I'm sure.
All of the kids have enjoyed the snow this winter. So much snow has fallen that our local schools have cancelled so many days that I lost track. Mariah has had so many speech therapy sessions lost due to school cancellations. Looks like we will likely attend summer speech again this year.
Our kids enjoy shoveling snow. Weird, I know!
Selah tried shoveling but was not impressed.
Rebecca is growing up too fast.
And this was too cute not to include.
Spring brings new life. That is my prayer for the heart of our girl who has endured more than any child ever should be allowed. Lord, soften her heart so that she can finally accept you into her life and give her the sweet peace that she longs to experience.